Peter Killigrew. Pirate and Post Office worker.

Ahoy there folks!
I be Peter Killigrew,

Bosun o' the Buccaneer!

But I wont be killin' you,

So 'ave no qualms or fear.

But I might just well give lashes to ya,

If ye be steppin' out o' line.

I be ever so sorry if I hurt ya,

It's a duty I must do,

Like bein' a bunting tosser,

Or shouting at the crew.

Me Captain's nicknamed 'Calico',

'E be a mighty fine chap!

Though I do think that Anne Bonnie, might

'A given him the clap.

He doesn't go much for girls, no more,

You see – but it's not me place to pry.

He just gives orders to myself, and is

A generally decent gay... um

*Cough* ...I mean guy.

Wait! I ain't yet told you of me pride and joy!

When I ain't a sailin' pirate, I drop all the 'ahoy'.

In me double life, I own a post office. Ya see?

I can be sendin' mail from Peru to Dunhurst,

But if any package be commin' from abroad,

It be 'avin to come through me first.

At home, awaitin', I do have a wife.

She be happily married, but

I be livin' in strife. See, I

Been at sea for ten months now,

Irish coastline an' Smugglin' Silk,

An' I only popped out for 'alf a pint o' milk.

Tha' bein' said! I'm as loyal as a dog -

Any mate who ain't a gent

I consider a bloody great sod!

I do be livin' in Falmouth, I do 'ave to say.

But, to be sure, I do miss my post office,

When I be so damn far away.

 Peter Killigrew is my 'alter-ego' at work in Buccaneer Bay. He's a bumbling fool, but you gotta love him. I just want to say, that while I reject the notion that all pirates speak like this - in the Cornish accent - Peter Killigrew was actually Cornish born and bred. So it's all fine and well.

Thanks for reading! :)

Short Story Previews

Seeing as it's taking a while to post some new stories, here's some little snippets of what's yet to come. :)

 'That Girl':

So I look around to see whether the idiot is going to rugby tackle me to the ground over some Jelly Beans and I accidentally made eye contact with the girl, more than once. Now, I know I'm not the only one that when this happens automatically thinks 'she wants me', even though you know it's unlikely. But that's what I thought.

At that point was when I starting to think about her, with her long straight black, hair and dark eyes from the deepest mascara and pale complexion, tipped off with a red T-shirt and black trousers supplied by work. She was petite and while not the most obvious of beauty, there was something about her that I kind of liked.

Working Title (Thrill Ride?):

“Fuck 'em” He slurred, as he realised they'd left without realising he was gone. He decided to stay and order another drink on his own. Dylan was sick to death of never feeling like he belonged. His flat always seemed lonely, to the point he bought a second tooth brush, in the hope someone might occupy it.

Getting his drink, he retreated to a corner of the room and decided he might text some people. He didn't feel like trying to socialise with new groups in the pub. Even when drunk, his shyness got the better of him. Rather he be approached.

Half way through a text, he realised he wasn't alone at the table.

'Maiden of the Sea':

 

If I can say this now, before we begin, that the end of this story will be told with an excessively waned enthusiasm. Waned because of the joy it brings me; waned because of the disbelief by anyone who hears the tale.

* * *

To see such a creature right before your eyes fills one with so many feelings. A feeling of shock, of worry and of awe. The gleam of she, who some would name a beast, reflected the sun to make her look as if to glow. Simply, she was beautiful.

I never wanted to lose the sight of her. Yet, I never wanted her to catch sight of me. That was the feeling of fear. Fear of what she might do; fear that she may leave and never come back.

They'll probably be completely different after edits - and ignore any mistakes, they haven't even been proof read yet :P
Read all my old writing using the links on the right hand side. Or on my WritersCafé website here.

Hello!

In the English language, the word 'hello' is an amazingly powerful word. All you have to do is walk up to literally anyone and say 'hello' to provoke so many varied reactions. In some cases the reactions would be great and result in friendship, but some violent ones which result in insults.

To say the word 'hello' could either mean that you wish to talk to someone, or that you are ready to listen to what people have to say and it is often the gate way to extended phrases. For example: 'What is your name' or 'How are you' - if spoken to a stranger is never as warm or friendly as if preceded by 'Hello'.

People are often worried about approaching people they do not know because they don't know what to say. But really - all you have to do is start with 'hello' and the rest just follows from there. If conversation comes easily, then the person is a good person to talk to - if not, then it might be more effort than it's worth.

Aside from strangers, it is the easiest way to answer a phone when we do not know who is on the other side. It is the testing sound for a microphone over a Skype conversation, or for a roadie at a gig. It is such a word that can mean both everything and nothing.

So, as each day goes by, try to say hello at least once. Otherwise you could be missing out on many happy social occasions or budding friendships. Simply with the magic word 'hello'.

Scare Theory

I love horror. Horror in the forms of books, films, games and where it meets real life.

And due to this - I have a theory, that I've had for a long time, about horror. Which pretty much breaks down the different types of fear we experience. Each of the categories have many sub-types as different kinds of fears that we have, but they can all pretty much be put into four categories:

   1. Screamers
   2. Anticipation
   3. Suspense
   4. Disturbance

Allow me to break them down:

• 'Screamers' are the least skilled of a horror type. It is where we get a massive adrenaline boost from something unexpected. This is something very difficult to do in book form - but is oh so common in cinema. These are things that jump out when you're not really prepared and you jump in fear either very lightly, or out of your skin, or just freak out from it. There is not much skill in causing it and any media with just this is really not worth a look. However, very rarely mixed in with other types - this can be a brilliant and effective method of keeping you on your toes.

• Anticipation is the waiting. This could be waiting for a screamer, or just waiting to know what is going to happen to someone. This is most commonly the fear of the unknown when you are only temporarily in the dark. A fundamental part of anticipation scare is that you know that something is going to happen, you just aren't sure what or when. Anticipation can accompany screamers, if done well, to keep you hanging on to the fear. It can also be used with disturbance.

•  Suspense, is a similar feeling to anticipation. But it is 'on the edge of your seat' type of fear. This is the fear where you don't know if something will happen or not. Half of the reason this is scary is because it is inward - you can be torn between being scared just in case something does happen, and hiding it because you don't want to embarrass yourself if nothing does happen. This works with a humiliation factor and happens most commonly amongst other people.

• Disturbance is sickening. While it does not include gore (because I don't count gore as 'horror') is encapsulates things that aren't making you linger on the edge of your seat or pumps your adrenaline - but confuses you. Something you can't figure out (also known as a 'mind-fuck') and unsettles you. This comes in the form of mangled physical things to plain insanity unnerving you.

Now, if we were to use all of these in the right formulae - then you have, on your hands, a very good horror hub. But using them badly will really cause it to fail miserably.

While I don't really get scared by much these days - there are many things that I can still appreciate for it's horror skill. Also, if you look at any of the top horror films or games compared to the worse ones - you can see the difference in how they use these four categories of horror.


If anyone else is interested in horror or would like to say anything about my theory - please do contact me in one form or another. I would love to hear from you :)

Thoughts of a Sweet

So now I'm home. And settled. I've been speculating on a few things. Firstly is my ability to use pirates and acting friends in videos I wish to record when I finally get my camera. As a result I've been writing something pretty cool for that.

Also, aside from all the things I planned to write, I went ahead a did some free-flow on paper and now have more things I need to get done. I'm not making it easier for myself.

However, after watching Simon Amstell live (which was very brilliant) a just over a week ago, I've sort of been interested in Comedy again properly. Now, I do see comedy as an art. And so many comedians have said that they have had a similar moment to what I had - when you go to see a comedian live and you look up at the man on stage thinking 'I could do that'. So that, I still wish to do.

Ideally, I'd like to be a compare of my own comedy club... but that's a little far out of reach. So instead, I'll just settle for using my Youtube page for vlogs too. With comedy rants, my style of humour. Which is totes amazing.

Should be something to look forward to. Anyway, enough of these crappy update blogs. Next post is gonna be something proper, like a rant or perhaps a new piece of writing - who knows. All I know is, it's late.

Also... Get people to read my blog and look at my work and like my facebook page! If you could, I'd be muchly greatful. It'll start getting good soon... maybe.

:D