Shakespeare's Hamlet's Soliloquy. Modern day.

Just wondered how much Shakespeare would suck if he existed today. :P And also to show that you can translate it, it does actually mean stuff. This is my re-write of the most famous 'To be or not to be' speech in Hamlet. Enjoy. :D

To live or to die, that is the question.

  It is whether it is a more noble standpoint to take the pain of life and suffer or to stand against the shit that is thrown at you until they stop.
  If I died, would it be similar to sleeping?
  And by sleeping I mean to end all the heart ache and thousands of natural pains and emotions that my senses feel - that is a life that is desirable.
  If I died, would it be similar to sleeping?
  To sleep, and perhaps to dream? Ah! There's a point.
  And in this sleep of death what would I dream once my empiric and mortal life has gone.
  It must give us a break - and that's the respect we give to all the people who have lived the painful existence of such a long lasting life.
  For who would withstand the pains and lashes of time? The oppressor's incorrect ways. The insulting language of the proud man. The cringe of hateful love. The delay of the law.
  The incompetence of authority and rejection of patience that the unworthy man makes. For the hope that he commits suicide with a sharpened dagger.
  For who would bear the burdens of the slave driving of an unsteady life aside from the people who fear death.
  (death) That is the undiscovered land, of which anyone who enters will never come back. It puzzles every consciousness.
  And it makes us take all the issues and problems of life we endure rather than escape to other issues and problems that we don't know about.
  And therefore, our conscience turns us into cowards.
  And therefore, the colour that is made by the resolution of death is painted over by the weak and pale shade of our thoughts. Then is branched out of enormous central beliefs to other branches, and with this - their flow goes crazily far from the truth.
  And all further actions are therefore meaningless.

Calm down now. Ophelia, the most beautiful girl in my eyes. Must all my sins be remembered?