Am I running from the past, or just
pretending it didn't happen? I mean, I don't really ever look back, not properly. Never looking back with regrets or awe or lust; nostalgia is so short lived that
it scarce becomes a notion to consider and it's all because of who I
used to be.
I wasn't evil or anything, never really did anything
ultimately bad, and I don't really wish I could change anything - because we
are simply made of our mistakes. There's nothing that could or should be
done about those. At least there were a couple of times I could have called myself happy. It's a
natural thing that, quite frankly, I would have changed everything if I had
the power of foresight at the time. But I didn't, and that's okay now because it's happened.
I am at
peace with my past, but only in a way that I wish to distance myself
from him. A long, long distance. He simply was not okay, he was flawed
in all the wrong ways but I respect him for one singular and special
thing. He taught me who to be.
Who to be is not who I want to
be, or improvements on my former self, but a looking to my future self. I want to look back now in seven years time and say: 'Yes,
he was a decent person. I like him.' Because with change becomes
opportunity, when approached right, and the only opportunity I want
to grab is the idea that in the future I would happily be friends with
my younger selves. This is not something I can currently claim.
When everyone else is gone - you are all that matters, and your
memories will count in those remote moments. So make sure you think upon
them fondly with all mistakes included and then I'm certain you'll be far more comfortable with who you are.
Just... Be the person you'll be happy you were.
No comments:
Post a Comment