The Funny Words

Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Kyle Motherfucking Sweet, why are you so ducking G hellacious? Or in fact, so damn funny?'

My mummy says I'm special.

Well, thanks for asking. I'll tell you exactly why. It's because I know funny words. Funny words such as face.

Now you have to admit, face it a quality word. It is both a sharp word, and a soft word. It starts with a soft sound, ends with a soft sound and little harshness gets in the way of it's journey. Lets repeat the word together. Face. Face. Face. Face.... That'll do, we need to keep it's meaning.

Now if anything happens to someone's face, it makes it so much funnier than it happening generally. For example:

1. 'I threw the cactus at your mum.' becomes 'I threw the cactus at your mum's face.'
2. 'I simply high-fived the man.' becomes 'I simply high-fived the man's face.'
3. 'I breathed politely.' becomes 'I breathed politely in that child's face'

I think you get the idea with that. Faces are simply just funny things. However, this last one does actually lead me to my next point. It was a seamless transition, you'd think I'd have actually thought this through or something. :D

The next funny word is... child. Or preferably small children. Because things are funnier when someone is either really small or really fat. So we go with small children, just to make sure they're young and naíve. And of course, the less said a about fat dwarves the better.

Moving on very rapidly... Small children are funny. If you were to knock over a small child, pick up a small child (Careful, Gary), or grabbing a small child by it's infantile teeth.

So far, we can establish a concept that would have high lollerations to many of us - to throw a small child at ones' face. Think about it.

While this looks like a mother. She is actually just about to shot put the child into a face for the comedy Olympics.

Now I think we all agree on the ensued hilarity of that statement. (And yes, I did just coin my own word 'Lollerations'.) So we shall make this shit go down by adding even more funny. The word kick is a word, much like face, but of a harsher context. While face is soft - kick is hard (haha... like a peni... Never mind). Kick starts with a hard K sound and ends with a hard K sound.

So seeing as many people have pre-empted what I am about to say. I may as well unleash the humour upon you. One of the funniest phrases in the world:

'Kicking a small child in the face'.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Now I will tell you something. The woman in the super market I was explaining this to, did not seem to find kicking a child in the face very amusing. Humourless bitch. But luckily she had a child with her, so rather than explain, I was able to demonstrate. :)