I Hate Snow

So, it's been snowing lately. You may have heard the special needs kids who have been allowed facebook posting something like 'SNOWWW! I R SO EXCITE!'. You also may have heard it on the news when everyone goes crazy about the fluffy white stuff falling from the sky. Everyone starts wading to the shops to buy all of the food that is currently in existence (most of which will go off before they can use it) as if we're going into hibernation. You'd think we were all going to die or something.

Or perhaps we are. I mean snow is both pathetic and shit. No mincing words. It simply is. It is absolutely pointless as a weather type. Sun is fundamental to life, it makes things grow, gives photosynthesis and all that stuff - it's why we were able to exist in the first place. Rain is water, it is also important because everything that is living is made of water, to it keeps things thriving. Snow... If snow didn't exist, everything that struggles to survive in it would be a much bigger and better creature. it stops things. Most animals burrow away from it - not even things that need it like it.

But still, away from these sciency-weiency reasons, people like to play in it. Why the fuck you would you play with weather? It's cold, makes it difficult to move because if your feet aren't restricted by the wading, your arms have to lug around a thousand layers of clothes.

Further still, people like the first day because they can make stuff with it. Making stuff? You're gonna go outside and suffer so that you can throw it around and build stuff? Can I just point you to an invention named Lego? The only dangerous thing about Lego is if you step on it with bare feet. Why would you wait for one month of the year to slip on a horizontal surface and break your spine into five pieces, when you can stay inside and build a colourful dinosaur?!

Awesome Lego Dinosaurs!

And the colour. Oh my God, how dull. The only other time I see such a pointless piece of white is a piece of paper that hasn't yet been used for awesomeness. It's not even a crap colour, it's a shade for fuck sake. Maybe I'd accept snow if it was colourful, if each snow-flake was a different colour, making the ground look like 'hundreds and thousands'.

So what's the point in it? The only use it seems to bring is killing things. If animals don't hibernate, they perish, the trees even have to shed their pretty. It kills things - It is death from above. It's falling annihilation! What the fuck? Why would this be an exciting concept?! Would you go outside and play with death? Every time I look out the window I expect to see some creepy Jack Frost designed by Tim Burton with scythe pointing at me.

No. Just no. Snow is shit people, and if you can't see that, then I don't like you. I hope the snow gets you.

Also, I don't want to be put in line with these mundane morons who look out the window and go 'This will be a nightmare for traffic' - You're as bad as everyone else. Just walk you lazy prick, perhaps the extra effort will make you lose some weight. Alternatively there's the morons who try to use it as an excuse to stay in and not go to work or school or whatever. Really? Of course you can go in, you might just be late... Sort your life out.

No, I hate snow for what it is, it's a weather incarnation of the grim reaper. Perhaps I should characterise the major weather types to 'The Four Horsemen' and justify that the Biblical Apocalypse has already happened.

 ...It would make sense. I mean look at the state of the world! Death falls from the sky! How screwed up is that?

Need I remind you of the Judder Man Horrors? It's Snow's fault!

So just for people who need clarification. If you like snow. I hate you. If you really want snow... you can fuck off to Narnia.

Ciao!