Hello. This is somewhat of an experiment and a challenge for me. Basically, for the next 30 minutes I am going to write constantly and try to not pause as much as possible. The idea here is that I have literally no template so I could write anything that pops into my head and I'm hoping this will remain quite raw - grammar included so you get the pure essence of my thoughts. Essentially this isn't going to be interesting to everyone, but I am aware there are a few who will be interested to 'read my thoughts' as this kind of is doing.
There will be minimal editing as I go and afterwards, so do bare in mind that it will be significantly quicker than 30 minutes to read. Because I tend to write a bit slower when I'm being critical of my spelling and grammar and such anyway. I hope this becomes interesting for someone, but it is mainly for my own little interesting benefit. I've already been going for a few minutes and written nothing though, so I should probably think of shit to write.
See at the moment I am quite into my horror, I started writing more of a horror story yesterday and the main idea in that is I actually wanna scare someone. I'm working on the premise that a true scare is something that lingers in the real world as well as just in reading, so delving into ideas I'm kinda scaring myself with it - but perhaps that's just my imagination. I have high hopes for it anyway. Of course I've told everyone of the main theme of the 10 short stories and all of the remaining ones are actually in progress, but because they're all happening at once, they'll all take quite a while to finish. I don't really put priorities, I go with whenever I feel like writing. I average about 400 words per day when I do work every day though. I have other little things like this that I do too, because I get these crazy ideas and just bloody well go for them.
I'm well aware this isn't so interesting so far, but it's much harder than I first expected, I'm hoping that I'll chill the fuck out as I'm going - it becomes much more informal and perhaps have some genuine feelings in there at some point. Though I will admit there are some things I'm really trying not to think about because I kind of have to write it if I say it, and it would be cheating to censor it afterwards.
I'm starting to regret doing this now because my thoughts are being pretty dumb and same-ish. Let's try to think of some kind of topic. I've finished my essays recently, wrote four thousand words on the causation of Hume and Kant and while that is a daunting thing at first is genuinely an interesting experience - not wanting to bore with the subject matter, but the actual fact is I enjoyed writing that. Most essays these days I really struggle through but after I was done with my procrastinating I finally got round to the research, because the essay was much longer than anything I've done before it was a new experience, so I kind of enjoyed that. It reminded me, kind of, the first essay I ever wrote where I think I must have been in year 9 or something because it was in History, I'm sure, and I never took history at GCSE, or if I did I don't remember. Anyway the essay was 1000 words and I remember telling my mum that I enjoyed writing it. I don't even know if I liked the subject matter but it was the first time in my life I was able to write (relatively) freely about a specific subject. I'm pretty sure it was crap, 'cause I hadn't learned to write essays back then - hell I still struggle with structure these days.
What is kind of bizarre thought is when I actually think back to those type of lessons when even back then I assumed I was cleverer than people around me, but now I think that he's a bit of a thick twat on the scale of things. Still it's not that I really regret anything from the past people I've been, it's just I'd like to have had hindsight for my entire past. I don't think much would have changed but I just know I'd have had more fun. With things like knowing how little power teachers had, I would have been able to feel a little more free than I felt, I perhaps wouldn't have been so quiet in general or whatever. Then you have my three years of A level, they were strange times, every single year felt so different with my friendship groups shifting about and my priorities at the time.
That's the thing though, when I actually look to the past all I really think of is education. Which is the damn good reason why I'm definitely stopping after university. I've been in education now for...what? I was 4 when I started so that makes it 17 ish years? That's a crazy amount of time! It wasn't until about 15-16 I actually got a life either. I barely left my own street until about 12-13 and then I played Warcraft for 2 very long years.
I say that as if it's a bad thing, but I still play a lot of games. Oh dear. I'm not entirely sure whether I'm able to put emote-icons in this little experiment of mine, it's hardly proper prose. But I did just giggle in my head at something or other. I've forgotten now. Anyway, I stopped playing WoW which took over from previous to that where I got home drank tea, ate biscuits and watched Cartoon Network for hours. So I don't know where the improvement happened. I sort of decided real friends were kind cool I guess. I'm fairly happy with the social life I've built, sometimes I feel I know too many people other times I feel quite alone. But I always have only a few friends that I can call close to me at any time. I'm in control, I think that's the important thing. Yeah... lets go with that.
I keep pressing the tab button to indent my paragraphs but forget that BlogSpot doesn't support that kind of indenting. I'm gonna have to add that after.
So this turned into a nut-shell history of Kyle Sweet at once point there. I think I've only got a little time left though so I don't wanna stop on a random story. Umm... Right. Perhaps I'll be in a better frame of mind if I do this in the future. This kind of crap flows out of me when I panic write stuff. Either that or I'll have a burst of things to write about before coming to a stop because I don't know how to word a sentence for how effective it is and then I just lie down on my bed for a while. I sort of live too much in my head, which is just because all my senses kind of suck. Like my taste is pretty cool, but I'm sure others have better and you can't really live by taste. My smell is awful, I can't smell most things people people seem to - sight I wear glasses and even that isn't perfect and hearing is just dulled out by my internal dialogue. There isn't much of a reference for touch, but if there was I'm sure mine would come up pretty low on the scale. There are plenty more senses that are never talked about but they don't matter - point is that I live inside my own head pretty much all the time,
It's a bit like Squall from Final Fantasy 8, where a few times the character say about him just falling back into his thoughts too much and not saying everything aloud - I guess I related to that a little bit. 8 was my favourite game to replay in the FF series so far, I didn't realise how awesome it was. And I see that characters as their correct teenage ages instead of really old cause I was young the first time. But yeah I kind of got mildly upset when i ended it rather than in awe of how awesome it is because I just wanted to play more of it.
There have been a few things that have gotten me a little upset or emotional recently, I think I must be maturing a little bit - or just come into a little strange time. Because I can't actually cry, but I almost can. My main things at the moment seem to be fear and emotions - which is a strange combination. I like stories that are connecting and emotional or just fucking dark. And I mean really dark, your dark is nothing compared to my dark, my friend! Har har! A little twisted I guess. Excuse me while I have a bit of drink.
Laavly stuff. It's a habit of mine now to get £3 meal deals from Tescos. Orange Lucozade, flaming hot Monster Much and a chicken and bacon wrap. It's just delish. And on that little bizzare note my 30 minutes are up. Thank you to anyone who made it this far and I might do another of these - if I do I'll be sure to make it more interesting. Feel free to give feedback on whether or not I should and I'll see you in the next blog post. :) Ciao for now!
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